FAN SERVICE: THE GAME
I’ve always maintained a single belief. In my opinion, nudity or any sort of sexual pandering doesn’t inherently mean a horrible title. It’s the gameplay that should dictate such things. For instance, Gal Gun 2 is filled with lewd content and yet it’s actually a competent on-rails shooter. The same can be said about Moero Chronicles H. It has interesting mechanics that make for a fun romp. Moreover, it has anime girls wearing nothing but nipple tassels; that’s not an exaggeration either. Now here I am with its sequel; a stand alone title known as Moero Crystal H.
It’s the first time that Moero Crystal H has been localized for the west. It maintains the core mechanics of its predecessor while improving upon them. The question is will this DRPG have you standing at attention, or will the experience be a phallic one?
A NOT SO PERVY MOTIVATION!
You play as Zenox; a boy that’s looking for his father. His search will eventually bring him to a large city. The very same one his dad had left for to find work. Feeling overwhelmed, Zenox considers his next move. Perhaps he should venture to a tavern? Although, they’re usually scary and full of people. Then of course there’s the issue with his young age. Quickly scrapping the idea, he’ll instead decide to head to a Temple. As he arrives, mayhem commences. The lights dim and a shadowy figure creeps past him before a girl comes into frame. She’ll spot our boy, shouting out before tackling him to the ground. She demands the return of the stolen property. However, he’s more surprised by a certain soft sensation. Something that will earn him a firm slap across the face.
The thief then shows himself, revealing what he’s taken. Its the Bra of Darkness. Because it’s now separated from it’s twinned garment, the Panties of Light, the world is at risk. Balance has been thrown off. As the thief escapes, it’s up to both Zenox and the girl – Luanna – to reunite the undergarments. You won’t do it alone either as a familiar face joins – Otton. And who knows what other surprises await.
SASSY AND PERVERTED!
My biggest complaint in regards to Moero Chronicles H was localization. It was abysmal. I was worried about its stand-alone sequel. Nothing in my mind could convince me it would not be a bad translation. Even with reassurance, I was skeptical. Well, hush my mouth because to say I was pleasantly surprised is underselling it. I adored it.
This is a comedic story. It’s not meant to be taken seriously. It’ll use its overabundance of fan-service to lace the narrative in innuendo. Don’t expect a thrilling tale of heroics. It’s the purest form of fun. I’ll be the first to admit that I laughed out loud at times. While there are still some errors, it was never more serious than minor grammar mistakes or the odd missing word. Even then, it was unimportant ones like “the” or “there”. You’ll find mistakes with tense, but my brain would usually fix it. I never felt any of these deterred from the personality that the author wanted to convey. And that really helps Moero Crystal H stand out.
Most of the monster girls are unique. They’ll have defining features to who they are to try and differentiate everyone. Of course, with a game that boasts 80+ playable characters, expect overlap. Regardless, I enjoyed engaging with everyone. Their sass towards Zenox or disappointment in Otton was always hilarious. For those that have made the jump over from the previous title, don’t you worry, the latter maintains his adoration for panties. As a matter of fact, he’s the only one able to utilize the magical properties of The Panties of Light.
I can confidently proclaim that the localization is very coherent. There‘s a significant amount of quotable dialogue too. I struggled to decide which to use from the immense collection of screenshots that I took. Do keep in mind that it’ll rarely not be juvenile, but that’s what it is. Moero Crystal H never pretends to be what it isn’t. As I’ve already eluded to, there will be a lot of innuendo. Examples include but won’t be limited to;
“W-we’re inside me, you know… So that hole, too, must lead somewhere else inside me”
and
”What are you even trying to do to me… I don’t think I’ll be able to stand for awhile”
To further paint a picture of the absurdity, let me delve deeper into the plot. As with the first entry, all monster girls have been inflicted by an evil seal. It seems this is because they’ve fallen victim to the bra. The thief has forced them to wear it, thrusting their mind into the darkness. To save them, you must weaken the girls in a fight and rub down. To completely break the spell, Otton will then slip the Panties of Light on them. In doing so, it’ll counteract the pollution in their mind.
MANEUVER THOSE FINGERS!
Much of what’s on offer here was present with the previous title in the series. The “Aura Combo” system makes a triumphant return. Unfortunately, one issue I had before persists. Each “Aura” will have a weakness assigned to it. By exploiting it, you can not only deal more damage but also get further perks. An addition to the experience points earned and also to the “rub” points. My gripe is that the type of the enemy isn’t noticeable. With my goldfish memory, it wasn’t as accessible as I’d have liked. I’d routinely forget vulnerabilities. To get back to the “Aura Combo”, making use of it will aid in grinding. It became so much easier, much like in the first. Unlike it though, doing so won’t return better equipment at a steady pace. I can only conclude that’s because of a new mechanic; Soul Temple.
After each battle, you’ll notice amongst the usual information is a peculiar section. This’ll notify you of what souls were obtained. These will allow you to strengthen accessories and equipment acquired during exploration. It won’t be limitless. There’s a set amount of times an item can be upgraded. And it’ll only increase specific stats instead of each one it betters by default. In other words, you may have a necklace that targets DEF and ATK. If you were to improve upon it, you’d only see a return in the DEF, while the other remains the same. Furthermore, you may even locate an item that upon trying to better it, you’ll see it adds in a stat it previously didn’t touch. If we use the example above, you’ll see DEF receive an improvement, but also MDEF added in as a bonus. This encourages experimentation and quite frankly, it was addictive. I spent way too much time on it. Why do you think this review is late?
The body rubbing; the method in which you’ll recruit a monster girl. One that will be heavily implied as sexual gratification. I‘ve got to say, in comparison to the older Moero Chronicles H, this is much more intuitive. The touchscreen is responsive. I didn’t have a difficult time finding the right spots. It feels like the detection box has been widened. Even just moving my finger an inch in a direction, it affected nothing. This is a big plus to a feature that’s pivotal. Without it, you wouldn’t be able to advance. I was a bit bewildered by something though. I had one girl I spent an hour on. Mostly because I hadn’t thought to check the weapons she was holding. Thus far, only her body parts seemed to tickle her fancy. I had no idea that objects would be considered an effective piece of her person.
The pseudo-job system from Chronicles H is back and built upon. Scattered throughout the various areas are Panties. These will act as a sort of class change. Your stats will fluctuate and your monster girl will be able to learn a new set of skills. With this, you can dictate if you’d like her to be a fighter with high ATK, or a magic-user with high MATK. However, in an interesting twist, you can also mismatch a bra and panties set. To do this, you’ll have to first unlock “Doki Doki Shooter”. This is a shoot’em up style mini-game. Your objective is to locate three different types of gems. This is achieved by shooting white liquid out of a spaceship. It’s a spaceship, I swear. As her clothing is hit with it, her clothing melts. The gems are a heart, a typically shaped jewel, and, well, panties. It’s the former you’ll want. Once activated, you’ll be thrust into a surreal world. Your task is to get to the end and defeat the big bad before escaping. The girl can now experiment with her undergarments for the ideal combination.
HOW ABOUT MOOD MUSIC!
The sound design was whimsical and cheery. I caught myself going along with some of the music even. It never failed to bring a smile to my face. The shop tone especially had me swaying back and forth. Then there was the theme that played during bosses or special star enemies found on the map. I absolutely loved the guitar riffs in it. It really did a lot to pick up the sheer intensity. It got my blood flowing. I definitely recommend headphones. The bass is a kicker.
PAINT ME LIKE YOUR FRENCH GIRLS!
The art style is your typical anime. It won’t be for everyone, but I personally found each one beautifully drawn. The colors were vibrant and for the most part, every girl was drawn proportionately. This can be seen in the various CG’s. All of which are high quality and eye candy. My only complaint is a very subjective one. Look, I enjoy these sorts of titles. Everyone has a perverted side deep down. However, I have a line and that’s those that closely resemble children. I’ve never been a fan of Lolis. For me, it just comes across as creepy. Otherwise, I appreciated that there was more than underwear sets for clothing. Some do have me wondering if they’d even be viable in real life. I applaud the imagination though.
AND THE UNDRESSED VERDICT IS…
It’s an incredible experience and does what it sets out to do. It’s a fun romp and it never takes itself seriously. Moero Crystal H bathes in its fan-service and delivers it all in the only appropriate way possible; satire. It has so many great features. Some that I didn’t even touch on in this review. I want you, the reader to experience this as blind as possible. There are many fun little additions to discover that when brought together with the above; it nails being a fun title. The musical tracks are more hit than miss, and I subconsciously began singing along with one of the songs. It’s superior to Chronicles H in every way and has a likable protagonist to boot.
MOERO CRYSTAL H IS HIGHLY RECOMMENDED
If you would like to see more JRPGs, you may be interested in Death end re;Quest 2. Or how about a comedic visual novel? Sankaku Renai is highly recommended.
Many thanks go to EastAsiaSoft for a Nintendo Switch review code for this title.
Painfully single, but still somehow a master of dad jokes. If asked, he’ll answer it’s for his inner child. Fabio enjoys JRPG’s and has embraced his anime love.
